I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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