I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
