I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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