wanna go halves on a baby?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
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