im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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