I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
