There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
