there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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