You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish i was in the wii world.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
