she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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