I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
