Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
