Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize