you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
