I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
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Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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