is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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