Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
