I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
love makes seman taste better
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
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dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
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I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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