been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
