dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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