My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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