they need to just BURY HIM!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
me + whiskey = a bad person
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
