I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
