I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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