i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
