This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize