nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
All the doctor said was why
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
