Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
