I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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