Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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