I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
