I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
