New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
