Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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