Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
