i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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