His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
