apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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