I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
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I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
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I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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