Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
