grandma shit on top of the toilet
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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