I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
