No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
