Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
