Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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