Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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