Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
