Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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