I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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