turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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