you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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