one might say we're banned from that church
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
