The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
