I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
