i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
