I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
