I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I need to calm my uterus...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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