i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
