Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize