i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize