You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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