Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
