1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
