I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
