I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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