I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
