last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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