fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
