I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
