Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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