Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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