Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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