I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
