dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
