My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize
