I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.