DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.