I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
