My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?