And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.