Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
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4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
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I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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